“I am looking for the shoot,” stated a tall woman dressed in loud floral print dress with purple hair.“Down the hall on the left,” I said, try...ng to sound confident.Behind her came four dogs, all large dogs I might add, on leashes. She walked down the hall and entered the room with the green door. My curiosity began to get the best of me, what in the world were dogs doing in this shoot, with naked girls. I stood up, and walked to the entrance to the hallway, I stood there for a bit wondering. For almost two decades, I was celibate, but I regularly masturbate to relieve the urge to make contact with someone. My last sexual experience, the last before what I'll describe, came when I was 24 and involved a young woman I'd known for years. It was enjoyable and I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake becoming a celibate clergyman.In my mid-30s, I lost my faith in God. I still wanted desperately to believe in a higher power, a kind and benevolent father who would look out for his children. More

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